Attachment

As humans it is difficult not to develop attachments. Attachments to things, people, routines. Attachment to our own strengths and limitations, to what we can and can’t do. In contrast, life continually throws up changes, challenges and situations we have no preparation for. Things like sickness and loss. While these situations may cause us pain, it is often our attachment to the way things were or the way we think things are meant to be, that causes a lot of our suffering.

Tara Brach talks about the idea of two arrows. 

When something negative happens it is like being hit with an arrow. This is painful, but what happens after is often more painful. In response to this pain we judge ourselves and the situation. “This shouldn’t be happening, I shouldn’t be feeling anxious. I should be able to control this.” This judgement is referred to the second arrow. The second arrow refers to the feelings of shame or anger or frustration which can then consume us.

I’m not sure the answer is to not be attached but perhaps to have awareness that as much as we think we have control, there is an unpredictability to life. To acknowledge that we cannot plan, predicate or control everything. I think sometimes just having this awareness and taking away some of the self judgement allows us to sit with pain a little more easily.

The following podcast explores this idea and has suggestions to help process difficult emotions:

Tara Brach:Awakening through Difficult Emotions. “The Poison is the Medicine”

https://www.tarabrach.com/awakening-through-difficult-emotions/